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Mind the Gap!

By Laura Davis

Our ceremony begins at 2 pm and lasts about an hour. Since our reception doesn't begin until 6 pm, there will be a three-hour lag time for guests. My fiancé and I will be taking pictures at an area park with our bridal party, but my mother is up in arms about having such a big gap between the ceremony and reception. Do you have any suggestions on what we should do?

This can be a touchy issue, and it can be difficult to balance the desire to get a lot of photos taken with your bridal party and the comfort of those guests who are not included in pictures. It's nice to take into consideration what your guests will do during such a long gap, especially if some of your guests are traveling a distance for your wedding and don't have anywhere to stop in between. Perhaps your mother or future mother-in-law could host an informal gathering at her home during this time with light refreshments. If your reception is at a hotel, inquire about reserving a hospitality suite. If neither option is feasible, consider moving the start of your cocktail hour up in order to close the time gap. In any case, be prepared that some guests may opt to only attend the reception if they feel the wait after the ceremony is too long.

My fiancé's parents live in Texas and his mother is insisting that we have a groom's cake at the wedding. I have never seen this done before and I don't understand why we need two cakes. Can you explain the significance of a groom's cake?

The groom's cake is a mostly Southern tradition, although it is gaining popularity in other areas of the country. Typically made of a bolder cake batter, the groom's cake reflects your fiancé's interests - sports, alma mater, hobbies, etc. Many couples enjoy the added creativity that comes in designing the cake since the sky truly is the limit. While including a groom's cake certainly isn't mandatory, it's worth considering if it's within your budget. It can be a fun way to incorporate some of your fiancé's personality into the wedding day.

My wedding is five months away and I've started looking at invitations. When should I plan on mailing these out? Is there etiquette that I should follow? I've also heard other brides talk a lot about savethe- date cards. Is this something I should do as well?

Let's start with save-the-date cards. While still completely optional, save-thedates have become very popular over the past few years. These are usually mailed out between six and 12 months before the wedding and include information about the date, location and hotel-room blocks that have been arranged. However, with your wedding only five months away, I recommend forgoing this item.

Etiquette dictates that you mail your formal wedding invitations between six and eight weeks prior to the wedding. I encourage my clients to aim for the eightweek mark whenever possible. This allows your guests plenty of time to make arrangements, such as finding childcare for their kids, booking hotel accommodations and taking time off of work if necessary. Since you'll want to request that guests return their response cards about three weeks prior to your wedding, it's considerate to give them as much notice as possible.

Our photographer has it written into his contract that we provide him a meal at the reception. Is this normal? Do we have to feed all of our vendors?

While providing meals for your vendors is not mandatory, it certainly is a nice gesture. I hear this question from brides frequently, and I always pose this question - would you work an eight- to 10-hour day (and sometimes more) at your job and not expect an opportunity to eat? The same applies for your wedding vendors.

I recommend that you make arrangements with your caterer to provide meals for the vendors who will be with you all night, typically your photographer, videographer, wedding coordinator and disc jockey or band. What kind of meal you provide is up to you - it can range from a club sandwich to a simple chicken dish to the same filet mignon entrée that you're serving your guests. Your caterer should not include your vendors in the bar tab since they should not be drinking alcohol while working.

For seating arrangements, some brides allocate a separate table for the vendors in the reception room while others ask their vendors to fill in empty seats among the guest tables. I am an advocate for the separate vendor table for several reasons. First, your vendors still will be working throughout the dinner hour and will constantly be up and down. Your photographer and videographer will need to have the ability to jump up to capture the action as it unfolds. Second, many guests may feel uncomfortable and even slighted if they are seated with your vendors, since these individuals have been hired to be a part of your day and are not invited guests.

The final decision is up to you, but be aware that if you don't provide meals for your vendors, they may require that they be allowed time to slip away from the reception to grab a bite to eat. This is never an ideal situation since they may miss some key moments of your wedding day.